deviantART: necrobabe's Journal

Just another rap song.

Sat Jul 29, 2006, 8:25 PM

_{mood: awake. It's midnight...

music: "Senorita" - Jin. *drools*

"Just when I began to find myself, depersonalization came in."

Thank you George Carlin.

Anyway, I needed to use something to update because I have a new list of people I watch and all.

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Watched by me:

Friends:

Without Icons:

~TropicanaLemonade, ~stabmetilicum.

Groups:

Resources/Stock:

Without Icons:

~hakanaidreams, ~masterjinn.}

No Comments

eeee.e.e.

Thu Jul 6, 2006, 10:30 AM

_{mood: cold.

music: "Capitol P" - Mindless Self Indulgence.

Forget everything that I wrote about borderline personality. I'm such a joke haha.

Liz read me some symptoms of borderline personality and it's just not me. Like one of them is asking if you sit down to watch a movie and then a few hours later you find yourself with a self mutilated body and don't remember how it happened. I never really looked into the spectrum and the extremities of what borderline personality is. I see what things offer me and automatically think it's me. But I've never worked in an asylum, I'm not a psycho-therapist, the hell do I know about that?

A lot of the other symptoms basically relates to everyday teenager feelings. Pretty much I don't have a problem and everyone else who claims to have a problem probably doesn't. Seriously, I looked at myself and I don't have any problems like that. It seems too silly, too unrealistic to think that I have a problem like that. Well, in real life.

But I need to have the idea of a problem so I can improve myself. That's me, I feel the need to improve all the time. I'm terrified of having everything perfect because I need a problem to work on.

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Watched by me:

Friends:

Without Icons:

~TropicanaLemonade, ~stabmetilicum.

Groups:

Resources/Stock:

Without Icons:

~hakanaidreams, ~masterjinn.}

2 Comments

Pure Energy

Sat Jul 1, 2006, 10:32 AM

_{mood: hot.

music: "Pure Energy" - Crossbreed.

Ok, I know I promised myself that I wouldn't post entries here anymore, but I don't care much about who reads this stuff, because, frankly, no one does anyway.

Thrusday was cool. It was some concert at Medford Sq. with Axeidentally McGillicutty, Mike Maloney and some other girl. Andrea, Catherine and Jen came to my house and we all went and picked up Amanda Du. After the concert everyone went to Colleen's for ice cream. I had no money, so I left early. I decided to walk home by myself, it was pretty relaxing. I already spent the entire time there kind of excluded but that's fine. It wasn't because I actually was but by choice. I wasn't feeling it to be with people at the moment. And I just don't like to be with a big group of people unless they are my closeest friends.

Coleman called me around 2:00 on Friday afternoon asking if I wanted to go to Good Times. I called Stephen but he couldn't come in the end. I've been practicing Tekken a lot and I guess I was kind of prepared haha. I totally forgot some combos I learned when fighting with Coleman but I soon remembered when I was fighting this kid that was already a 1st den. After about 4 tries on my part (Coleman tried like 10 times trying to beat him) I finally kicked his ass haha. I felt so happy! But a big part of me thinks that he let me have it because I had a promotional chance. I played DDR for a while as well. I got an A on beginner mode but who cares. Hopefully I'll buy a pad and a DDR game and practice.

Before going to Good Times I finally got Jin's DVD Knowing Is Half the Battle!!! I was so happy; even though Jin autographed every one DVD bought I still felt really special that mine was autographed and made out to my name. :]

I should feel really good about myself, from all the things I've accomplished this week, how much fun I've had with all different kinds of friends but something inside of me just sucks all that good feeling away. As corny as that sounds, I can't help but write it, I have no other way of describing it. That same feeling I wrote a while back about how uncomfortable I feel, how it's like how you feel after your first fuck and you encounter your parents afterwards, like smoking your first joint, the guilt you have after stealing something for a store. I am a disgusting person, you literally have no idea. I'm that creepy guy online. I'm the stalker on myspace who has nothing better to do but try to find out everything I can about some interesting person online. It's embarrassing. I cannot be left alone. Liz gave me this list of top ten ways people think poorly. It was meant as kind of a joke but reading through them it really does sound like me. I didn't mention it during the session but I noticed that it says at the bottom it reads "Treating Borderline Personality". All my life I've tried to find an excuse for why I feel a certain way, why I think a certain way. I've always looked towards disorders. How pathetic am I? Over the past year and a half I've pushed that thought out of my head, that I may have something seriously wrong with me and it worked because I was happier. Now ends up my wish came true, and I probably do have some kind of personality disorder.

I hate people. I hate people online, at school, on the streets. Watch, as soon as I post this some idiot out there will read it and come up with some cool idea to fake mental disorders; you have no idea what it's like to be me. Don't try to look up to me, don't try to rip me off. You don't know half of the story. So many people do that to me and this time I'm not overgeneralizing, it's true. I asked Brittany about graffiti; I can't be a mean person. Maybe I should stop feeling so arrogant and think everyone rips things off of me... even though it's true. But it hurts when people do that. Why can't they just leave me alone? Next time I have a therapy session, I'm going to talk about borderline personality disorder. I need serious help.

It was a bad idea to watch Ichi the Killer last night. It just intensified that sexually awkward feeling in me. The rape, the killer, how Takeshi grows up to be like Ichi. I hate it.

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Watched by me:

Friends:

Without Icons:

~TropicanaLemonade, ~stabmetilicum.

Groups:

Resources/Stock:

Without Icons:

~hakanaidreams, ~masterjinn.}

12 Comments

Looking for new people to stalk?

Wed Jun 21, 2006, 6:04 PM

_{mood: apathetic (haha, ya know... emo song? No? Nevermind...)

music: "All we leave" - C-Drone Defect

I needed to update my the list of who I watch, my friends and resources. So, if you're looking for some new inspiration, someone to talk to or a group, here's some people you should check out.

Watched by me:

Friends:

Without Icons:

~TropicanaLemonade, ~stabmetilicum.

Groups:

Resources/Stock:

Without Icons:

~hakanaidreams, ~masterjinn.}

6 Comments

.

Mon Jun 12, 2006, 5:52 PM

_{If you would like to continue reading my journal entries, please add me at _tsunamibomb at greatestjournal.com. If you don't have one, make one! It's fun.

I no longer trust posting entries on dA. Anyone can read these entries, especially specific people that I don't want them seeing the things I write.

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4 Comments

deviantART

~necrobabe

Just another rap song.

eeee.e.e.

Pure Energy

Looking for new people to stalk?

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